A friend of mine was remarking the other day how one of his friends had recently gotten divorced because she found her marriage “unfulfilling.” He believed that “unfulfilling” was an unrealistic benchmark for a marriage, or any other serious commitment, for that matter. “How many of us find our jobs to be always fulfilling? And if we don’t, should we then change them?” he wondered out loud.

Which led me to wonder, is the goal in marriage to be fulfilled? I question how many of us would still be married if fulfillment were the litmus test.

Personally, I don’t agree with “I’ll believe it when I see it.” I’m more a fan of “I’ll see it when I believe it.” Likewise with marriage, if we want to commit because we find it fulfilling, we’ll be sadly disappointed. I believe it’s when we commit, wholeheartedly, to our marriage that we begin to find that fulfillment. It seems counter-intuitive perhaps, but I think we have to seal off all exits before we realize we’d never want to leave.

I actually find the same with happiness in life. I think the Buddhists got it right when they said that “Life is suffering, and the sooner you accept that, the sooner you can begin to make something of your life.” I believe that if we’re striving for happiness in life, we’re beat before we start. Ironically, if we commit to serving others in life, that’s our real ticket to happiness. And even if we’re not happy serving, at least we’ll have left the world a better place then before we came.

So, for anyone seeking fulfillment in their marriage, may I recommend the “C” word-commitment. It works wonders for your complexion, both inside and out.–The Rev. David Code is an Episcopal minister and family coach. His published articles and a 2′ video of his seminars: http://davidarthurcode.com/bio-david/

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