Want More Sex With Spouse? Spend More Time With Your Parents.
You may be surprised to learn that having sex releases a hormone in the brain called oxytocin, which is strongly associated with the instincts of both pair-bonding and the mother-infant bond. Given this primal neurochemical link, the goal is to achieve a balance of intimacy and separateness in both relationships. With Mom you need both closeness and weaning. This means you want a friend-like intimacy where you can share what’s really going on in your lives, but you also want to grow a well-defined self that exists separate from and impervious to any cling-iness. In other words, you have to learn how to be with your mother’s crazymaking without absorbing and getting caught up in it.
If you can learn to manage your emotions while sharing deeply with your mother and father, then relating to your spouse becomes a cakewalk. If you want great sexual intimacy, your goal is to stay more calm more often around your hot-button topics, first with your parents and then with your spouse. You can learn how to actually enjoy spending a weekend alone with your parents every three months, so you can work that oxytocin to your advantage!
–
David Code is an Episcopal minister, family coach, writer, and founder of The Center for Staying Married & Raising Great Kids. Read more about his work at http://DavidArthurCode.com.
