Our herd instinct is the tremendous drive we feel to fit in, to win approval, and to not make waves. The discomfort we feel when others dislike us, criticize us or gossip about us is evidence of our innate pack mentality.

However, thanks to the unique, thinking part of our brain, we humans aspire to something more than conformity. Our cortex can make us aware that there’s more to life than indulging our animal instincts. Our cortex permits us to see the big picture, to have visions and goals, and to fulfill them. One could even argue that the human spiritual journey centers on transcending our animal instincts, acting instead for the greater good of humankind.

However, we will never transcend our animal instincts by ignorance, or pretending those instincts don’t exist. The logical way to make the most of our existence is to acknowledge what we are, and then improve upon it. Of course each human has individual physical and personality traits, as unique as our fingerprints. But the more we learn about the herd instincts that drive us to fit in, and the fight-or-flight instincts that drive us apart, the more we can transcend those animal instincts to make something beautiful of our time on Earth.

As long as we pretend we’re already completely free-thinking individuals, we merely address the symptoms of the human condition, not the cause. We’re stuck in the mire of conformity and conflict, and each human will have to “re-invent the wheel” when learning about relationships. But if we acknowledge the base instincts we have in common and use our thinking minds to transcend them, then a whole new level of free will is possible-the free will our maker intended for us all along.

People spend their whole lives looking for peace and happiness. Learning to override our animal instincts by using our cortex to observe ourselves can bring more inner peace. It’s not about attaining perfection; it’s about making progress. You may never perfect the process of overriding your fight-or-flight instinct in your lifetime, but to improve even slightly will, I believe, yield more peace and happiness than any other approach. That’s because you’re addressing the cause of human suffering-not just the symptoms. Most of us spend our whole lives just flailing hopelessly at the symptoms.

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David Code is an Episcopal minister, family coach, writer, and founder of The Center for Staying Married & Raising Great Kids. Read more about his work at http://DavidArthurCode.com.

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