It’s remarkable how subjective our view of reality is, even when we’re sure we know the “truth”. Humans may wear nice suits and speak sophisticated words, but when it comes to how we view relationships, we might as well be naked in the jungle again, screaming and swinging from tree to tree. What we refer to as “office politics” is just a fancy name for the herd instinct, territoriality, and the fight-or-flight response.

In our caveman days, these fight-or-flight glasses kept us ever vigilant against the dangers of the jungle. But in our modern lives, our fight-or-flight glasses force us to treat life as though “it’s a jungle out there.” That’s why simple interactions with family, friends and co-workers can become so fraught with drama and conflict.

If you have any doubt that these primal instincts flood your mind every day, I invite you to hook yourself up to a biofeedback machine that measures your brain waves, blood pressure, skin temperature, sweat, heartbeat, and the presence of stress hormones like cortisol. You’ll be amazed at how high these levels are as you think about various issues in your life, even when you consider yourself to be “calm.” So is the machinery lying, or are you simply unaware of how your body is almost constantly in fight-or-flight mode?

Many of us struggle through life in fight-or-flight mode. Aside from the occasional enlightened Master, it’s been like that for millennia. Haven’t we all had enough of learning by trial-and-error? You’d think by now we would have put our heads together to solve the problem of relationships. Unfortunately, when we put our heads together our herd instinct takes over. I believe we humans have much more in common with animals than we would care to admit, and we ignore these similarities to our great detriment. Many of us believe we are unique among animals, and the human herd mentality is so contagious that the rest of us accept this popular myth as truth without questioning it. Yes, humans have a unique part of the brain, called the cerebral cortex, which allows us to think and be self-aware. The degree to which we can think, plan, and reason separates us from most animals, who are governed mostly by the instinctive part of their brains.

However, it doesn’t automatically follow that our unique human cortexes govern 100% of our behavior. We have not transcended the power of animal instinct over our brains; we simply have another option that we exercise on occasion–to think. We can transcend our animal instincts with a thoughtful response sometimes, but not nearly as often as we’d like to believe. More often than we realize, the instinctive part of our brain still governs our behavior, just like in other animals. The instinctive part of our brain often harnesses and uses our cortex as simply one more tool to gain power. For example, chimps attack and kill with their teeth. Humans have harnessed their cortexes to create a new tool called the gun. But it’s still killing, and it’s still governed by our animal instincts. I am persuaded that, like all other animals, humans are often governed by our fight-or-flight response.

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David Code is an Episcopal minister, family coach, writer, and founder of The Center for Staying Married & Raising Great Kids. Read more about his work at http://DavidArthurCode.com.

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