Wash. Post: Helping Moms Go Back to Work Guilt-Free
Mothers can go back to their careers guilt-free. A leading anthropologist and primatologist named Sarah Hrdy points out that “there is remarkably little in the primate evolutionary record that turns a female’s sex into a precharted destiny of full-time stay-at-home caretaking (”Mother Nature,” p. 494).” Since ancient times, females have been dual-career. As mothers foraged or gathered firewood they would simply carry their babies-hardly an option in today’s modern office or factory. Only in the past few centuries has the stay-at-home mom career become an option for a privileged few women on the planet.
Psychiatrist Carl Jung wrote that “Nothing has a stronger influence psychologically on their environment, and especially on their children, than the unlived lives of the parents.” If our children become the central focus of our lives, it interferes with the natural weaning process that is essential to a child’s development. Our mammal cousins can teach us how weaning is just as important as bonding in good parenting. Providing your child with a protected, trauma-free childhood will not foster long-term happiness. Building the child’s resilience through weaning will. Daniel Goleman argues that “Learning to build [resilient] inner resources for a happier life demands that we endure the hard knocks of the playground-boot camp for the inevitable upsets of everyday relationships. Given how the brain masters social resilience, children need to rehearse for the ups and downs of social life, not experience a steady monotone of delight (”Social Intelligence” p. 22).”
The best gift we can give our kids is to realize our full potential and set an example for them.
According to the Washington Post, “While parents everywhere struggle to meet the competing demands of work and family, for mothers who are highly educated and established in their careers, there is a growing cottage industry of workshops, recruiting firms, job boards, coaches and consultants. Many of these firms also work with men and older employees — Fruehwirth has a client who is a stay-at-home dad planning to go back to work soon — but the greatest demand has been from working mothers.” Click here to read the full article .
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David Code is an Episcopal minister, family coach, writer, and founder of The Center for Staying Married & Raising Great Kids.
