Traditional psychology has misled us. If you argue, it doesn’t mean you have a bad marriage. So, wash away your guilt and shame, and read on: Many studies now suggest that the real silent killer of marriage is “distancing,” which is caused by the “flight” portion of the fight-or-flight instinct that we […]

What is chemistry? It’s hard to define, but we humans seem to instinctively know if chemistry is there or not. I think it’s some kind of primal, instinctive force, but my goal here is not simply to define it. Today I have two gifts I want you to have: One is to […]

Have you ever looked at your spouse and wondered, “Did I make a mistake?” Me too.
The biggest gift Bowen Theory has given my marriage was not to eliminate divorce as an option. The “exit door” is still there in plain view, with a red neon exit sign above it. But […]

Did you read the article in the front section of the NYT about the little 4 year-old girl who died just outside of Boston? She overdosed on psychiatric meds for her alleged “bipolar” disorder, for which she had been on a drug cocktail that would tranquilize a bear, since the age of two. […]

Everyone likes a short cut. People often ask me for a “technique” they can apply to improve their marriage and parenting. Well here’s what you want, but you might not like it…
Go visit your parents for at least one weekend every three months. Confide in them about what’s really going on in […]

Mr. Shankar Vedantam’s February 12 article in the Washington Post, “Plagued With Relationship Troubles? Blame Your Parents!” told how your interactions with Mommy at one year of age can shape your romantic relationships at 21. This article will tell you why.
We love our spouse and kids, right? So, why do we fight with […]

If you’re anything like me, you think that family reunions are a strange combination of dull relatives and family drama. Why would you want to even attend a reunion, let alone organize one?
Because nothing will help you accept yourself more. If you can not only meet all your relatives, but actually […]